Saturday, July 5, 2008

PORN!!!!

So yesterday morning I was sitting in work at about 9:30 and turned the radio on and quickly tuned to newstalk. Brenda Power was on, and her show is called 'Your Call' were topics are brought up and people ring in and discuss. It's generally quite intelligent discussion and pretty interesting topics. When I turned it on they were talking about porn. I listened to about 5 different people talk about how great porn is and how it is benificial for relationship etc...I was infuritated so I sent a text to the show to tell them I thought quite the opposite. My phone rang quickly afterwards and it was 'Kate from Newstalk'. She asked me would I be willing to go on the air to give my point across. No problemo! The producer rang about 5 mins later and tells me to wait for Brenda to invite me on, I wait and hear the show going on in the background. A guy called Martin is talking about how porn is great and teaches him and his wife 'awesome positions' and anyone who thinks porn is bad is stuck in the 50's.
Fergus you're on the comment line whats your view of porn.....'gulp'. I told her I thought it was incredibly naive of us to think that porn is harmless and has no effects on people. She asked what the negative effects are. I told her I think it objectifies women and causes men to lust after them in their mind and take ownership of them which they have no right to do. It can be detremental to relationships. The other guy Martin says he and his partner love watching porn together. I asked him is he really telling me that he is completely fine with his partner lusting about another man and that it doesn't make him at all insecure? He said 'sure everyone does it, it's normal'. Brenda then agreed and said 'yes Fergus, it is a normal thing to do, to watch porn'. I told her that this is the very thing that is wrong with society. Just because people do something regularly does NOT make it normal or acceptable or good for society. Ask Martin how he thinks his partner feels when he lusts after another woman and turns them into a masturbatory object. She did, and he agreed that the premise for porn is masturbation and he pretty much shut up. She then asked me what do i do when an attractive woman walks down the street, do I look at her or do I look away. I told her, that of course I can acknowledge when someone is attractive, BUT I do try to train myself to look away. my eyes are for my wife NOT to for someone else. I told her it's a slippery slope from second glancing an attractive woman who walks past to then imagining her with her clothes off and so on. And I want to keep my mind pure for my wife and don't want images of anyone else there.
She then asked me about romantic novels and women reading them and engaging in the romance of them. Again I told her it's what it leads to. I would hate to think that my wife would read a novel and sit there doing either one of, or both of two things. Wishing I was more like the guy in the novel or fantasising about the romance involved. I'm sure there are plenty of things my wife would like me to change but again our problem in society is that we internalise everything and fantasise about how we wished things could be, instead of communicating with our partners and trying to build and work at our relationships.
She read out a few texts saying how old fashioned I was, and calling me a liar and so on. Pretty much no one agreed with me. Still it was cool to be able to get my point across. She kept me on for about 15 minutes until it was time for the news. Hopefully Jesus will use the words I spoke to bring people out of bondage, or to at least wake them up to the dangers of porn and the effects it can have on them and their relationships.

4 comments:

Bryan L said...

Wow that was a great response!! I'm amazed at how well you did when put on the spot. I would not have been able to give a good response in a venue like that.

One of the things that I wonder whether it would be good to pursue in discussions about pornography in a relationship is what the long term effects are that are not immediately recognizable. Such as does it cause the man to have unrealistic expectations of sex or his wife that she can't fulfill or live up to. Does it place unrealistic expectations on sex within a marriage that it wasn't meant to fulfill and that will cause damage down the road as a couple get older and sex gets less frequent.

Speaking of sex and marriage have you ever read Lauren Winter's "Real Sex"?
I heard her lecture on it and it was really interesting.

Anyway, good job!

Bryan

Paul said...

Wow, you were very articulate in a stressful situ, great post ty

I find the trouble with conversations like this is that there is usually someone married for 50 billion yrs who's a life long porn fan and so is his wife, no damage to them, and everyone goes yep we want to be them...

I think you made some great points, can we treat each other as humans rather than gratification objects, a commodity that is designed to get us off, turn us on, make us happy etc.

And porn is of course the acceptable face, sex without commitment, pleasure without the pain of relationship etc.

So porn/sex is just one more thing we have commodified - turned into a product, just like we buy food and don't know who grew it and wear clothes and have no idea who made them, now we can watch sex and have no idea who is screwing.

Jenny said...

Hey Ferg... reading your notes (your head is very interesting!) - I got onto you blog (which I didn't know know existed) because of this porn discussion... dunno why but I felt to respond to you - I know you don't feel insecure about it but I just wanted to say that for every one person that responded to you negavitely that day on Newstalk there were 2/3 that thought what you said was on the money and changed the way they look/think about women and/or porn... I'm impressed. Well done. :)

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